tf2_freakshow_conceptfandomcom-20200214-history
User blog:Jillian189/Some personal rant by Jillian189
So apparently the conflict with ToxicHolyGrenade is still going. Before we talk about that, I'd like to talk about my personal experiences and feelings regarding this wiki kerfuffle. I remember the days when ToxicHolyGrenade was still "Soldine1000", a simple editor over at the official TF2 Freakshow Wiki. He made mistakes, such as edit spamming, but he was well-intentioned. I believed that despite his flaws, THG was ultimately a good person who only wanted to help. On occasion, I still remember that guy. Around that time, I was a newbie TF2 Freakshow editor who was busy fixing up the articles on the website (most of them were either stubs or poorly written). As a result, I kept myself disconnected from the inner workings of the wiki. I did have some inkling of what was going on, because I noticed that most of the messages Soldine1000 got were reprimands from the admins, but I thought the storm would blow over and Soldine1000 would learn from his mistakes. Boy how wrong I was. At one point I left the TF2 Freakshow temporarily to pursue personal projects. When I came back to the TF2 Freakshow fandom, I found that the storm had not blown over on the official TF2 Freakshow Wiki, and that Soldine1000 apparently developed this grudge against Saris Khan (who is also called "Lord Galvatron", btw) which was starting to affect the community. Even though I don't remember exactly what happened, it shocked and baffled me to learn that a "nice guy" was doing bad things. But a small part of me clung to the hope that Soldine1000 would one day redeem himself. I was proven wrong once again when, one day (excuse my shitty memory), I decided to make some Freaks of my own on the old TF2 Freak Concept wiki. Things were quiet for a while until Soldine1000 (now going by ToxicHolyGrenade) found his way there and created the Freaks we know and "love", based on the popular videogame System Shock 2: Divider, Nexus, Silo, Goggles, and Demolisher. Out of those Freaks, however, Divider was the most popular, because his article was poorly written (even though I can read it, there was so many grammar errors and it was choppy), excessively detailed, and overpowered. It was around that period of time that ToxicHolyGrenade decided to be a "contributing member of society" by making edits he believed were correct but actually made the articles messy and detracted from their quality. As an artist, I was extremely protective of my work. Whenever I saw my art being mishandled in some way, I felt like a mother who wanted to protect her children. The first time I found my articles with unncessary edits, I politely told ToxicHolyGrenade to stop. He apologized and said he'll never do it again. I let it go. The second time, the same thing happened. Again, I let it go. Then the third time, he did it again. And again. And again. And again. And again. THG did stop touching my stuff eventually, but not before repeating his offenses multiple times. And there came a point where I was feeling very pissed. I told him, once again, to stop touching my articles, they were mine to deal with, and let me edit them. In response, THG made a hissy fit and called me "overprotective". I don't remember the exact wording, but basically THG was saying he was "trying to help" and I should stop overreacting. A few months or weeks before the wiki blew up, I kept looking at Divider's article (before it was turned into a meme dump) and the editor in me was struck with a desire to help fix it. Unfortunately, I am a lazy person which means I kept putting it off saying to myself that "I'll do it later after I finish so and so". I also put off editing Divider partly in fear that I would be labeled as a giant hypocrite since I was always telling THG to stop touching my articles, so I avoided Divider like the plague. Sometime later (again, excuse my shitty memory), other editors noticed THG's behavior and then before I knew it, the wiki kerfuffle happened. The entire website devolved into a hotbed of arguments WITH BOLD SPACE and taunting as the editors began making their "attack" on THG. I watched as the TF2 Freak Concept wiki became filled with trolling comments and posters of dank memes. Then my heart broke when I saw Divider get vandalized and then turned into a math teacher Freak who is used as the Butt Monkey and Cosmic Plaything for those editors who were, ahem... "victims" of THG. It was then I knew that I had lost my chance to help an editor who is currently digging his own grave. At one point I joined in the criticizing and insulting of THG. Perhaps I was caught up in the moment and, like the other editors, I wanted some payback for what he had done. But as time passed, I began to question my choices. Looking back, I felt as if I had lowered myself to THG's level in doing the same things to him that he did to us. Most people would call it "Laser-Guided Karma" and say that "payback's a bitch". But I was the only one who felt differently about the matter (I'm pretty sure there were others, but so far I saw one). I frequently asked myself, "Did I do the right thing?" Earlier last month I talked about Divider with Saris Khan and how I wanted to help edit it, but I feel this was a matter I wanted to share with everyone. I did not personally join in the vandalizing of Divider's article, but I was disgusted when I saw the end results. I felt I could've stopped it and told those responsible that by vandalizing THG's articles, we're sinking to his level, that we're bullying him like he tried to do with us. Again, most people would say that he deserved it, but did we have to do that? In a way I understood THG's need to defend Divider. Divider was THG's creation, his work of art, his... magnum opus. From the looks of it, he was extremely proud of what he made, even though it was kind of poor in design, overpowered by TF2 Freak standards, and a blatant ripoff of a well-established Freak. If I was in his shoes, I would've done the same thing, except in a kind and respectful manner. I'm not siding with THG, nor am I defending or condoning him. In light of recent events, THG is becoming increasingly irredeemable. But despite everything, I wanted to forgive him and help THG become a better person and editor. I didn't want to stay angry at him anymore, because in the end staying angry at someone is like carrying unnecessary luggage. You gotta let go of the stuff that's keeping you down. Even today, I still carry regret over not being able to help THG become a better person (and editor), and I weep for the person THG could've been. I also regret helping THG fix Divider so the Freak can be something for him to actually be proud of. Maybe I'm being too nice? I know people will probably tell me that THG's not worth it, and rightfully so, given the way THG has been behaving this past year. But at the same time I don't want to give up on him just yet. A few days ago I wanted to go to THG and say "I'm sorry, let's be friends", but something stopped me and I don't know what. Sorry about this long butt wall of a post, but I needed to get this out there or else I'm gonna forget about it and let it continue to fester. (P.S. Please don't send me hateful comments. This is just my thoughts and opinions, nothing more. I'm not shoving them down people's throats.)